We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
