Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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