I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
