That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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