she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
