Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
