he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
