Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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