I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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