If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
