if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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