The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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