he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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