never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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