were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize