Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize