She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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