my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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