I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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