the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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