I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
