Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had to cum in my sink.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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