I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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