I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
