Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
