Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
