Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
