STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
