well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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