walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
