You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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