youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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