You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
