go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
