i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
