shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
