listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've blown a few things in my day
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
