Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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