You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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