I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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