I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
