JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
