My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
