i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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