I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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