If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
