I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
