Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
