Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I want a musical about memes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
