There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
