She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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